I'm not saying I am tired.
I'm not saying I am done either.
I'm in confusion with my own feeling, my own heart, my own emotion.
Sometimes, I wish I had alexithymia.
At least feeling won't hurt me cause I can't detect any of it.
You said you care,
You said you're hurting.
But your action told me the opposite.
Sometimes, I don't know if I can hold onto you anymore.
To be honest, we might fall apart
But until then I'll be trying to make your days better
I promised you I'll give you all the time you want.
I also promised you to not push you more than I should.
Now, it seems like the promises went from promises to barrier in between us.
Is it my fault to actually make the promises came true which eventually made the gap between us bigger?
Or is it you that actually now doing nothing about that and asking for the promises?
After all, I just can't put the blame on you.
No matter how much they told me you might do something wrong,
I still can't say it's your fault either.
cause at the same time it's also my part for making you confuse with your own feeling.
If we talk about suffer.
You told me about you're suffering and you never ask mine?
I barely sleep because I actually thought if there's somewhere that I might did wrong.
I cried almost every night cause for some reason it feels strange sleeping without talking to you.
I talked about it to my friends and they told me it's not my fault.
They told me that
I'm just confused.
We're just confused.
With our own feeling.
And that's what makes everything worst.
I need to straighten up my mind.
And for some reason, I really think I should take a break.
We should take a break.
Not gonna lie,
I'm gonna miss you.
Taking a break doesn't mean that I will leave you.
It's just I'm gonna rethinking my decision about you.
About us.
Hey,
I really miss you though.
Miss our late night talks,
Random talks and rants,
Missing how we would tease each other and laughed it off,
You talking about your past,
Talking until 2 or 3 in the morning just because,
Wishing you every morning and night just so you knew I'm still alive,
Your call after every 'good night' text that I sent,
Yeah, I'm officially missing you :')
